Engaged! Part 2- Telling my family (Ben)

12:29:00 AM

After I got the ring, I was really excited and I really couldn’t wait to inform my family and Mels'. In fact, I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to tell her (but obviously I couldn't!) Haha!

I tried to be really patient and had to tell them one at a time. Firstly, I made time to go back home to tell my parents and family while my Elder sister was still in Singapore.

I went to the kitchen with my Dad and Mum inside and I told them directly, “Daddy Mummy, I bought the engagement ring already.”

I was pretty excited to tell them but Dad’s reaction kinda threw me off guard as he questioned the price and carat of the ring and kinda reprimanded me for getting a “bad deal”. Another of my family members then said something untactful that kinda upset me even more.

Usually I don’t throw tantrums or quarrel at home, but I was really upset at that moment and refused to talk to them when they tried to probe further on when I was planning the proposal and if I needed help.

I replied, “It’s ok, I don’t wish to tell all of you anymore, it’s none of your business.”

After that, I went out for work and on the way I whatsapped my family in the family group chat we always had:

“To my dearest family:

I thought that I should inform all of you of this major decision in my life.

I've already purchased a proposal ring and am planning for my proposal to Melody.

As much as I would like to keep this a secret, I can't contain my joy and eagerness to share with you this news.

Today I was very excited to come home to inform you all but somehow I regretted and am now feeling very depressed instead.

Instead of congratulating and asking when is the proposal, I got asked how much the ring is, how many carat is it, why I spent so much and got comments that I could have gotten it cheaper elsewhere. What's most hurting was comments on why guys are so dumb to spend so much on a ring only to have it kept away next time.

My entire life I've never been an extravagant spender. I am now paying for my own sch fees, for a degree I've not used and yet raked up a $39,000 debt.

My friends ask me why so wasteful, worth it meh. Did I ever regretted going to college?

I would say no, $39k and many years of studying and surviving on coffee until I wish I could inject my blood with caffeine on 4 hour sleep days when I was so tired. But, i don't regret. Because it was all worth it, to fulfill mum and dad's wish and expectation of me while now I'm free to pursue my dreams.

So is $4k on a proposal ring worth it? I would say it's not worth it for a piece of shiny rock. But it's worth it for the person I love, for the person who has helped me so much in my businesses. A person who loves my family as much as I do.

The past 2 times I've returned home, I felt a huge sense of resentment in my heart. I don't like quarrels at home, that's why I always don't participate in one.

But to keep it within myself it's like arguing with myself quietly. Lots of shouting in my heart. While this evasion of quarrels helped me to stay free of fights at home, it also made me distant from my family and not feel like talking at home.

I've realized that many of us have different resentments too, because we have secrets hiding from each other. And that is hurting relationships because we feel even more resentful when things don't change for the better. But I must say that things don't get better because we don't confide in each other and things get worse because of the lack of understanding and compromise. And because other family members don't know of the struggles that we are facing.

My long grandmother story here is not to cause any divide among us, but instead to bridge any gap that exists.

I'm sorry for any wrong that I've done, just as i forgive you for any wrong. Most importantly, I am thankful for all you've done for me and thankful for your love.

Regardless of what happens, we are always a family and I will love all of you forever.

P.S Melody doesn't know about this and I hope you all keep it a secret and don't bichiah lobang! So please delete this message once you read it!!!

Love you all always.”

After this long message to my family, they apologized and congratulated me. Even my dad sent me a personal message to apologize. Of course I forgave him immediately and told him that I love him. To me, it is a really courageous and humbling act to apologize to your children or someone who is supposedly of a “lower status” than you, so it is only right to forgive immediately. I do apologize to my younger sister and brother if I had upset them too.

I hesitated whether or not to share this story because I never liked to hang my dirty laundry in public. I believe every family has problems but it is important to dispel any negative emotions and not let the bad feelings build up. It is unhealthy for the relationships.

Typing this message is a sharing of my emotions to my family, it is confiding and most importantly, it is the first step towards reconciliation. For the past few months I wasn’t on very good terms with my younger sister but this step that I took in messaging and slowly talking to her, bridged back the gap between us and not only did she help me tremendously in my proposal decorations and did an awesome job in it, our relationship now is back to old times or maybe even better.

My family is of utmost importance to me. They are the people that I am willing to die for, and also the people I am willing to live for. And Melody and her family will soon be integrated with mine. And for as long as I knew how to pray, I always end with my prayers with,

“Dear God, please protect and bless my family always. This I ask through Christ my Lord, Amen”.



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2 comments

  1. I cried when I read this part

    So is $4k on a proposal ring worth it? I would say it's not worth it for a piece of shiny rock. But it's worth it for the person I love, for the person who has helped me so much in my businesses. A person who loves my family as much as I do.

    Congrats to you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww. Thanks so much for the well wishes :)

      Delete

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