Married - A week of being Mrs Kwan

1:57:00 PM

I continue to get texts and well wishes days after the wedding and am really happy to read all the messages from friends and relatives - about how they enjoyed the wedding and also them asking how has married life been. Honestly speaking, nothing drastic has changed in my life, which I feel is a good thing. But here's what changed...


Hello Aunty, eh.. Hello mum!
Having to switch to calling Ben's parents mum and dad was something that took a few days to get used to because I have been calling them Aunty and Uncle for the past 7 years! So our conversation might go "mum, later are you and uncle going to... eh, you and dad..." 

But it's a nice feeling having 2 mums and dads now, getting extra care and love from all of them.


Will blog about our Guo Da Li session soon! 


Living with a "new" family
Why do people always scare other people about how living with your in-laws is a bad thing?!? I didn't have any trouble fitting into the "new" home thankfully, because I have always made it a point to go over to Ben's house every week, unless I'm ill or tied up with family events. 

If you've been following us on FB, you'd know that we started house-hunting some time for a resale flat in Nov 2014 and went to view several houses. Our intention is to stay near Ben's family in Pasir Ris as my in-laws do not own a car, so it would be easier for them to come over and more convenient for us to go over to their place as well. However, we had to delay our housing plans when we decided to bring forward our wedding as not only did we find it difficult to view houses and plan the wedding at the same time, we didn't want to make a rash decision into getting a unit we might regret later due to the rush. 

It was common for friends and parents of students to ask about my living accommodation after the wedding and when I shared with them that it was my plan for me to move into Ben's place till we got our own home, I started receiving comments like "it's going to be so difficult you know" and "why don't you go and rent a place instead?!".

It's a simple reason actually. Because we both want to spend more time with my father in law and I would like to help out as much as I can at home during this period. In ways I cannot help financially, I can help physically by picking my niece and nephew from school or cleaning up the house whenever I can.


So I asked Ben if he could discuss moving in and sharing a room with his siblings, because it's a small house and we won't be able to have a room of our own. We now share a room with Ben's younger brother and occupy 2.25m by 2.35m of space in the room (sorry Matt, we will try to move out soonest so that you can have more room. Thanks for being so accommodating. Love you!). I don't think there's anything awkward about it and despite the limited space we have, it feels very cosy and there's less room to clean. Haha!


Living with a Dog instead of a Cat
I miss my fat cat (#ahboythefatcat) a lot and it's sad how I can't cuddle him every day. But it feels that he still remembers me whenever I go back home because he would let me carry him and talk to him (he usually struggles to be set free). Strangely, whenever I'm back at my parents' place, I do miss Ben's family dog (coco) too because I do spend a lot of time at home with her daily.

 v/s


It's a lot different staying with a dog than a cat though. I have to be very careful whenever I place breakfast on the dining table because she's really tall and sadly not table-mannered yet. Just last week, I accidentally left my bowl of soft-boiled eggs too near the edge of the table and returned from the kitchen to find her enjoying the bowl of eggs to herself. She's also quite an attention seeker and it's hard to tell her that it's not playtime. Compared to the fat cat, he would rather sleep all day and be left alone - very anti-social.


Taking a Lift instead of Walking Up to Home
I now stay on the 12th floor (the breeze is so good I don't have to turn on the fan in the room) and previously when I was staying on the 3rd floor, I had to walk up 3 flights of stairs to get home because our block has no lift. I don't really enjoy taking the lift especially if the lift has no windows (thankful this one that goes up to the 12th storey has!) because I get claustrophobic and I fear getting locked inside alone. Am slowly overcoming the fear just cos I have to do it every day any way, no way I am going to walk up or down 12 flights of stairs!

When people say that you will experience less creepy crawlies at higher floors, they are wrong. I do see lizards roaming around the house every few nights but thankfully, there are now 5 people at home who can help scare / catch them for me.


Sharing the Blanket
I woke up one night shivering because Ben stole all the blanket and he held on to it so tight that I couldn't pull it away from him. I did complain to him the next morning but he reminded me in my wedding speech that I would "let you steal all the blankie when you are cold".

Can I take back what I sang? Haha!

We don't move much when we sleep so I believe we under-utilise the space on the bed. But getting this queen-sized bed was a good move and worthy investment. We got it purchased from Englander (look for Aunty Susan if you're interested) and chose the bed that had a storage space underneath. Both of us prefer our mattress to be less springy and bouncy so we topped up for a better mattress, which came with 2 free pillows and a mattress protector. In all, we paid slightly less than $2,200, which was under our budget for a bed. 


Commitments at Home
My daily schedule changed quite a lot after marriage. Here's what my normal day as Mrs Kwan would look like:

7.30 - 8.30am: I would leap out of bed depending on how tired I was the night before or whether I have something on that morning. Sometimes Ben turns off my alarm and doesn't wake me up (I am a heavy sleeper so I can't hear it when the alarm rings) so I sleep in longer, which I don't like because the day seems wasted.

8 - 9am: I would fix breakfast for Ben, which includes his first cup of coffee before he heads out for work.

9 - 10am: I walk Ben to the bus stop downstairs before heading out for a jog around the neighbourhood. There's no escaping from exercise due to the close proximity to the park, which is a good thing!

10 - 1130am: I meet my in-laws nearby after their exercise class and would accompany them for breakfast at the market nearby, followed by grocery shopping for dinner.

1130am - 130pm: Head home to do some work for Ben on the computer, some household chores, enjoy some "me-time".

130pm: Pick my niece (nana) from school, a walking distance from home.

2 - 3pm: Lunch, which includes entertaining nana as well as making sure she finishes her food.



3 - 6pm: I head out for work during this time (and usually work till 9pm before getting home) but if it's my off-day, I would complete more work at home, attempt to tutor nana or blog.

6 - 8pm: On an off-day, I would fetch my nephew from kindergarten (also nearby) and we would engage in grown-up conversations along the way home.



We would then have dinner together and very often I step in as a mediator whenever the 2 kids get into a conflict (most of the time over a toy or who sets the rule for a game they are playing).

8pm: Ben usually returns home from work at this hour and we would watch TV together with our parents or catch-up with our siblings. On Fridays, I head back to my parents' place as I have a full day of teaching from 9am till 10pm on Saturdays.

9 - 1030pm: Completing more work together from home (serious workaholics) but we make it a point to stop working by 1030pm

1030pm till bedtime: Ben and I catchup on what happened during our day at this time. It is a nightly routine and I make it compulsory no matter how tired we are. I feel that it is important to share with each other the problems we might have faced at work or home because it is always better to have 2 brains working on an issue.



Living with your in-laws is not necessarily a bad thing. Of course you cannot change the fact that habits at home can be different from what you are so used to back in your own house. But it is a matter of getting used to and if you are an easy-going person, I don't think it's difficult to adjust to it.

It's all about eliminating the "yours" (your one) & "mine" (my one) and making them "ours".


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2 comments

  1. Hi, i read that u r working as a piano teacher. I'm wondering how u find it so far cos I'm thinking of quitting my 8-5 job n be a piano teacher too!

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  2. Hi, it has been great so far because I enjoy teaching and being with children. You should actually try teaching on weekends first (part-time) and if you like it, you can quite your 8-5 job. If you're thinking of becoming a self-employed teacher, do remember to plan your finances carefully because you won't have cpf etc. :) Feel free to email me at melbengets@gmail.com should you have more questions!

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