Baby Talk (Mel)

2:16:00 PM

When you've dated your partner for very long, people will ask

"So when's the proposal?" 


Then after the proposal comes the question

"When's the wedding?" 
(Haha, I wish it could be the day after but... You know, money...).



Now after the wedding (yeah you get the drift), it can be every week that someone (a relative / our godchild / the coffee stall uncle / the beancurd stall Aunty etc.) asks either one or both of us "when are you expecting a baby?".

I would reply,

"Oh my period is irregular, I haven't had it for months!" 

And they would go,

"ARE YOU PREGNANT?!?"

To which I had to explain that I'm on pills for my irregular menstrual cycles, that I have hormonal imbalance issues and tell them the symptoms that I have on and off... and they would still go,

"ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT?!?"


This is not a topic I would discuss openly with everyone I meet because people wouldn't ask such questions previously when I was not married yet and... it's just not a very easy topic to talk about because I do get emotional sometimes. But I think it's good to talk about now, to get answers from friends, readers and relatives if anyone has been through or is going through what I am experiencing right now. So please, any form of encouragement or advice would certainly be helpful at this moment and you could mail it privately to MelBenGets@gmail.com. Much appreciated :)


Since Day One of, you know... puberty, I've never had a regular month to month cycle (or do you girls call it a 28 days cycle, I really don't know, I hardly get mine, haha!). It wasn't much of a concern at the start because some told me it was normal for some women, and GPs would tell me the same as well. It was till I could no longer stand the constant feeling of being bloated that got me making a Gynae Appointment 5 years back thereabout, of which I went through ultrasound scans (the result showed no problems) and was put on 3 months of provera (a type of female hormone pill) so that I could get my period on track.

The problem with oral contraceptions is that once you stop taking the pills, your cycle might just get irregular again because there's nothing regulating it anymore. So I left it that way, the pills and consultation visits were rather expensive for me as I was still studying.

Then my acne situation got pretty out of control about a year later and I knew I had to get it regulated again somehow, so that my skin complexion could improve altogether with my hormonal imbalance issues. My family doctor advised me to take 3 - 6 months straight of Diane 35, which was another kind of oral contraception that most women took for complexion issues as well. It worked wonders for my skin but I believe it was not entirely beneficial for my body. As expected, my period became irregular once again after I stopped the pills. They were inexpensive, but I just felt that there would be more harmful side effects that I didn't know about.

I tried to link my irregularity to my stress level. But even at my least stressed state, it never came. I would at times get some symptoms and planned for it's arrival, only to be disappointed for another 3 - 4 months and it would come all of a sudden when I least expected it.

I have gone the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) route too, taking daily doses of Chinese herbs to strengthen my body internally. I never believed in TCM because it wasn't practised within my family to visit a Chinese Doctor or sinseh since I was young. But I gave it a go and actually believe most of the things that the Doctor says, although it is difficult because when I get to the Gynae, his view could be totally opposite from the "TCM-way" (these English and Chinese doctors just don't get along...).

In any case, the Chinese Doctor (I go to Dr. Yang at Pasir Ris Drive 4 Tong Xin Tang Clinic) explained to me that my condition is probably due to an insufficiency of certain nutrients at birth and my many late nights of studying / working during my teenage and early adult years (so girls out there who burn the midnight oil studying or working till the wee hours of the morning, please stop! You are not doing any good to your body!). It is true, because I never had a good practice of "早睡早起身体好" (translation: sleep early + wake up early = good health) since my secondary school days and even up till today, I have the habit of wanting to complete all my tasks before going to bed, which can sometimes be impossible.    

Adding on, Dr. Yang also mentioned that I have a weak kidney which is not a good sign for TCM.


"Your Kidneys are considered to be one of the most important organs in your body. They are the organ system of growth, maturation, sexuality, fertility, and ageing. Like a seed which holds the potential of an entire plant, your Kidneys hold the genetic blueprint of who you are and how healthy and strong you will be." 

And it does scare me sometimes because my family has a history of kidney failure. But I try to tell myself that I will get over this and with the medicine that I am going to continue taking, it could strengthen and function normally again. According to her, now is not a good time for us to try for a child as my body is still weak and I may not be able to hold the baby for more than 3 months. It's sad hearing that right? I was quite affected by what I heard but I think it's true that, which mother wouldn't want to be in tip-top condition before getting pregnant? 


I think I am more concerned now as compared to before, now that I've become a wife and a daughter-in-law. There are times I would get depressed and upset about my condition but Ben would always remind me that I'm giving myself and my body unnecessary stress. I also believe that I have to have more faith in myself, after all, we haven't started trying for kids yet, so it doesn't mean that we are not capable of having our own children. 

After the wedding, our next priority was to get a house (which is on the way in a day's time!). Because our wedding came earlier than expected, plans to have a house of our own was also brought forward. Even though our new place requires minimal renovation, it will be a home that we will be living for probably more than 10 years so we do intend to make some corrections even if it means spending more money to hack some walls or put back some doors. What would work really well next would be to own a car so that it is easier for Ben to meet clients and us to travel to teach our students. We do know that it is a very costly commitment so we are still working out our finances to see what is the best solution.

And because of all these preparations, we have not been on a honeymoon or gone overseas ever since our wedding. In short, we haven't quite taken a break from work since Jan 2015 started (boss are you reading this? *coughs*). We will certainly get down to planning for upcoming holidays soon because I believe this would not be so possible once kids arrive into the picture.


So back to the tricky question on when are we having kids... the answer is that we are praying for a SG52 baby if all goes well. My parents or in-laws have never stressed us about having children early (although I secretly think my parents can't wait to have grandchildren, haha!) as they feel that we should first get a roof over our heads and then enjoy our 二人世界 before little ones take over our days and nights. I also feel very thankful to have Ben with me on this journey because he has been very supportive since day one that I shared with him about my problems. Having children of our own will definitely complete our family picture. 

A close friend asked me this recently,

"Mel, do you believe that if you focus on something you really want, you will get it?". 

Coupled with effort, perseverance and prayers, I'm sure we will get there :)

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3 comments

  1. If you really don't mind when you get pregnant it will happen naturally, period irregular or not. My sister in law also only gets her once every 3 to 4 months but has had 3 successful pregnancies, smooth deliveries and healthy children. Only downside is she found out about each pregnancy 4 months in once her belly started showing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You can try drinking ginger tea.. I also had irregular menses that can be skipped for more than 6 months. Realizing it became a problem, I keep healthy diet , exericising and drink hot drinks only. Results may take a month to show, but had to be consistent . Hope it helps. :)

    Recipe for my self made ginger tea
    1. Wash the freshly bought ginger (old and young ones are fine)
    2. Blend the ginger
    3. Filter off the remains
    4. Make a glass of hot tea and pour a spoonful ginger 'juice' and some brown sugar

    ReplyDelete

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